So you’ve peed on a little stick to reveal those delightful two blue lines and it’s confirmed. You are definitely, well and truly up the duff. Look out sister, you are in for the ride of your life. From this point on get used to being poked and prodded by midwives and doctors and get used to friends and family asking you lots of nosey questions and offering up unsolicited advice. Practice your polite smiles as Grandma offers up tips from the 1920’s Parenting Handbook and rehearse your diplomatic responses for all of the weird and wonderful names people are going to try and inflict on your unborn fetus.
Now having had two children of my own by no means makes me the Grand Poo-Bah Mummy Wizard of the World, but I’ve definitely learnt a thing or two that I’m willing to share in preparation for your launch into motherhood. Read this advice and do with it what you will, but these are the things about pregnancy, birth and motherhood that I now know for sure:
1) Get used to not owning your body..for a while: That’s right, you now have that lovely little mung bean inside of you, zapping all your energy and making you feel like an alien force has taken you over. Hopefully you won’t need to pull the car over on the way to work to heave up your breakky too many times, but at the very least you may feel queasy, head-achy and quite tired, especially in the first trimester. Be prepared that after giving birth, you may begin to feel like your once lovely boobies have gone from being pretty chest ornaments to a functional device with only one purpose – food, food and more food. Give it up girlfriend and realize that now is not the time to shout “It’s my body and I want it back.” Go with the flow and realize that you will be able to reclaim your body..one day!
2) There are so many products on the market that magazines and other mummies will convince you that you absolutely need. Whiz bang ones with all the bells and whistles that you will need to re-mortgage your home to afford. The designer pram that features all of the mod cons, power steering and costs the same as a 2nd hand car doesn’t look that great once covered with baby chuck. Do some research, find some bargains and save yourself a whole load of cash!
3) Natural Birth or C-Section? Drug Free or Natural? Wacky name or traditional? This is a time of choice..and judgment. There will be so many opinions on how you should deliver your baby, name it, dress it, feed it, school it..whew I feel tired already. Remember to do what feels right for you and to try and resist the urge to plonk people over the head with a dirty nappy when they cast judgment on your parenting.
4) Ignore Hollywood and every silly woman’s magazine that comes out of it – especially the ones that feature photoshopped covers of the latest size zero celebrities, moments after giving birth. They are unrealistic and not what real new mothers look like. Enjoy your baby and take care of yourself..good health is so much better than trying to live up to silly “yummy mummy” expectations.
5) Be amazed that once the little one comes along, you and your husband will take delight in having conversations that centre largely on their bodily functions. How much they poop, what consistency it was, what color it came out and what shade of Dulux Paint it most reminds you of. I defy you to go a day without discussing poo, wee and baby chuck. Go on I dare you.
6) Forget shopping sprees, facials or expensive nights out, once you have kids you will crave the simplest of pleasures. A hot shower will feel amazing and10 minutes to yourself in the bath without having a toy car launched over your head will have you feeling like you’ve been to a day spa. Motherhood is a humbling experience.
7) There are going to be times that you wish these kids came with a receipt so you could return them to the Target customer service desk and get your money back. Like when you’re up all night with a screaming baby. Like when your toddler drops the f-bomb in front the other mummies at Kinder-Gym (“I honestly don’t know where he hears this stuff hmmm”.) Like when your child decides to chuck a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket and you are forced to endure comments from strangers such as “That kid needs a whack!”. Be prepared for the bad days and realize that the glorious ones will far outweigh them so it’s not all bad..
About the Author:
Kathrine Holland is a career mum turned stay at home mum. After working for 10 years in radio, newspapers and magazines, she has hung up her corporate boxing gloves to spend some much needed quality time with her two sons Noah 4 and Connor 5 months.
You can find her daily blog on motherhood, celebrity mums and entertainment news at http://www.mummydiaries.com.au/
