Parenting Article:

Negotiating the Support Maze:
Support Networks for Mum

By: Kiera Pedley

Parenting, like no other issue, attracts opinions and advice from everyone. Because at one stage in our lives, we've all had some parenting experience (we've either been parented, or are a parent, have seen parents, or know parents!!) Somehow, everyone seems to be an expert on how you should raise your children. While it would be nice to be surrounded by people who supported and accepted your parenting choices, this isn't always the way.

So what happens when your parenting views differ greatly from your family's or friend's? And how do you handle the inevitable criticism, and advice?

There isn't a simple answer, but some tips to help you along the way are as follows:

• Be confident in your convictions. You have made these choices for a reason, and having the courage to stick by them, will ultimately serve you.
  
  
• Remember that criticism, is always about the one who is criticising - it doesn't reflect on you. When you make a choice that differs to theirs, it puts their parenting methods in question. No-one likes having their ideals questioned. Some people may even take offence that you didn't choose to do things the same way you did- interpreting your choices, as meaning theirs were inferior. The point is, it's about them, not about you.
  
  
• Be well researched. We've found, that as long as you know what you're talking about, and have the research to back it up. There are few things that can be said to undermine your choices. (However, some friends of ours, take great pleasure in producing "research" that conflicts with our parenting choices).
  
  
• Be prepared to accept, that your way isn't for everyone, and sometimes, it pays just to smile and nod! And do things your way anyway.
  
  
• Seek out support networks such as www.mumzone.com.au and network with like minded parents.
  
  
• Seek out mother's groups in your local community, often they form around a particular theme ie. attachment parents, parents of multiples etc.
  
  
• Deflect criticism with a smile, and a "We do things a little differently".

The other tactic that is empowering, healing, and powerful, building a support network. This way you choose the voices that speak in your life.

Your support network is perhaps the biggest parenting tool you can have up your sleeve, so if that support isn't coming from family, or friends, take the time to seek out people who can and will support you. Often, talking through an issue, or simply asking a question and putting it out there, is enough to get you through the storms. The internet is the full of great forums for attachment parents, and natural parents.

Some good sites to find support are:

• www.homebirthmybirth.com - for home birthing parents
• www.mumzone.com.au - for all things parenting

And remember, as your children get older, the voices in your life will change. The people speaking loudest now, will most likely give up, move on, or even accept your parenting choices. With this however, comes the inevitable introduction of new voices. Seek out people who will accept and nurture you, and limit your contact with people who make you feel down.

Kiera Pedley is passionate about all things birth, childhood and parenting. She runs www.homebirthmybirth.com a safe place for homebirthing families, www.naturalparentingtips.com to create an amazing childhood, and www.wahmnetwork.com.au the Australian Work at Home Mums support network.

Back to Parenting Articles