Meet Parenting Expert Pinky McKay

Pinky McKay is well known in the world of parenting and babies as a passionate advocate for infant mental health, parent-infant bonding and gentle parenting. She is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), Infant Massage Instructor and author of 'Parenting By Heart', '100 Ways To Calm The Crying', 'Sleeping Like a Baby' and 'Toddler Tactics'.

Interview with Pinky about her work and her life

What do you get up to in your spare time between running seminars and workshops, writing books and columns, creating DVDs, guest speaking appointments and keeping your website up to date?

"Spare" time? My Nana always used to say, "time is a God given gift, we mustn't waste" so I think its rubbed off a bit that I 'should' be busy - and then there's my ADHD (yes, truly - if I was a kid now I would be medicated!). This means I don't actually just 'sit' very long without getting excited about something else I could be doing. At present I'm spending lots of time being a mama taxi and driving lessons with my teenager; playing with my grandbabies is absolutely delightful and making time to catch up with my own friends is really important. I also enjoy reading, so a nice quiet veg with a book (minus teenagers' loud music) is 'time out'.

How does it feel knowing that you have helped so many mums to feel like they have re-gained control of their lives by sorting out issues with their babies and toddlers? How satisfying is it to help out one of your clients and see that you have made a real difference in their lives?

I see so many beautiful mums who have lost confidence. They are doing a great job but have been undermined by 'the rules' or inappropriate advice that seems to come at them from all directions. It is an absolute privilege to be able to support a mum to relax and enjoy her baby, knowing that she is the expert about HER baby.

Is there are particular family that comes to mind that you've helped? Perhaps one that made you laugh or cry, one that you found yourself particularly drawn to?

Where do I start? All the families I meet are very special -I don't get to see people who aren't really caring and lovely. I'm not sure why this is but it makes my work a pleasure. For confidentiality reasons I can't name a specific family but I am always thrilled when I hear from mums who have had a really difficult beginning, perhaps with a baby who hasn't been gaining weight or really challenging breastfeeding difficulties. Then, six months or so later, I get an email with a photo of their amazingly healthy baby who is still breastfeeding. This happens quite often and it's always exciting!

Do you find yourself giving advice to friends and family about their children when you are "off-duty"?

I'm very conscious about treading on people's toes unless I am asked - hell, I'm not a perfect mother! I believe every parent knows their own child best - they have to make the choices for their child in the context of their own family dynamics. Besides, there is a whole spectrum of what's ok - as long as it's respectful and safe.

How do your kids feel having been brought up by a "baby expert"? Did you follow a lot of your own advice whilst raising them?

I don't think my kids or their partners think of me as any sort of expert -I'm just "mum". I did raise them very much as I suggest in my books -I breastfed them all full term and a Sikh woman taught me baby massage. I also appreciated them as the unique little beings that they were. They were all strikingly individual personalities from the start - from very sociable rascals who would have been happy to go off with the milkman, to a couple of velcro babies who clung to me like limpets for the first couple of years. This is why I say that babies aren't simply cardboard templates that will fit one-sized advice.

At what stage did you realise that you wanted to help families with their babies and toddlers? Was it before you had your own children? If not, how many kids did you have at this stage and what ages were they?

I wouldn't have dreamed of thinking I could help parents before I had children of my own - partly because I didn't appreciate how challenging mothering is. I went to La Leche league in New Zealand when my first child was a year old to find out how to wean him and this was my first 'taste' of fabulous mum to mum support. After I had my second baby (when these two were 2 and 4), I went back to work part-time in a postnatal ward and also became a breastfeeding counsellor. This was the start of my mum to mum support journey which evolved with further study and 3 more children. I had 4 kids when I began writing for newspapers and part of my gig was health, education and family, baby mags followed and 'hands on' work was a natural progression as my own kids grew and didn't need me around so much - they have always come first!

Which do you find is the most effective medium to communicate your message - electronic media (your website and DVDs), face to face seminars and workshops, or printed material? Which do you prefer to work with? What do you find are the pros and cons of each?

Electronic media is a really effective and timely way to share information but I love face to face contact with people (any people) best. I love workshops and seminars because audience input (I speak to a lot of professionals as well as parents) is fantastic - these events are all dynamic and unique, and really reflect the saying "the sum of the parts is greater than the whole."

Do you ever catch up with families you have helped in the past to see how they are progressing after applying your advice and ideas? Do you find that the results are generally positive?

Yes - many families email weeks or months later, refer friends on and keep coming back to seminars as their babies grow to become toddlers and many have become face-book friends - updating me on their subsequent babies (I only recently joined) It's all positive -I am very honest and don't promise what I can't deliver, so feedback is very good - take a look at the interview I did with ACA on my site - a group of happy clients!

Which do you find you focus on the most - pregnant clients, clients with babies or clients with toddlers?

Clients with newborns always have priority and I either see them within 24 hours or refer them to somebody who can. Sometimes I have raced out after dinner when a mum has had trouble getting a newborn to breast-feed. Although parents of any age babies/ toddlers can feel desperate, mums of newborns (under 6weeks) can spiral downwards so quickly. Appropriate help can set them up to feel confident, breastfeed well and bond strongly with their baby

Do you find that having a website has helped you assist the general public more widely in a different way to helping people for specific cases? For example, offering general advice to a wider audience through your blog even if it is based on a specific case.

Absolutely! The information on my website is available free to everybody and is enough to help mums right now. I get so many emails about my blog: so many women say, "I feel nurtured when I read your blog" - this is fabulous feedback and I love that mums can identify with each other's experience with such empathy. I have just written an ebook 'Breastfeeding Simply' because if you need breastfeeding info - you need it NOW - even at 2am! The internet is wonderful for sharing information.

Mum Zone would like to thank Pinky for taking time out from her busy schedule to talk with us.
Visit Pinky: www.pinkymckay.com.au