One Mum's Story: Gemma, Keisha and Jesse

I haven't known many single mums in my time, until I met Gemma and her beautiful children.

Gemma battles every day to keep her kids happy, well cared for and well fed. And she is doing it on her own due to circumstances way beyond her control.

She has welcomed me into her family happily. (I lost my only child to cot death 20 years ago and thought I would never again know the joys of children, let alone grandchildren.) Now it feels like I belong to her family and am a much loved part of it.
Gemma asks me to Keisha's kinder triumphs and, now that she has started school, I am included in that part of her life, too.

When Gemma went into hospital, just over a year ago, to have her little boy, Jesse, I was honoured to be the first person she asked to look after Keisha. And that was a really big thing-Keisha had never spent a night away from her mum before.

So, rather than judge these wonderful, wonderful women, perhaps we could all try to be a part of their lives. You never know, maybe you might get back so much more than you ever anticipated, like I did.

I have included a photo of Jesse's first birthday party (above). Gemma is holding him, as she usually does, and Keisha (5 years old). I always thought cuddling and forever holding babies was a bad thing, and created selfish, demanding children. But seeing what a polite, beautiful little girl Keisha has become with this nurturing, has completely changed that idea for me. My only worry with Gemma, and other mums, who hold their babies so much, and for so long, is that they may suffer back problems later in life.

To see Gemma go without all the basics (she calls them luxuries), is heart-wrenching. She even uses 'second-hand' perfumes, perfumes given to her that no-one wants any more. Second-hand clothes, second-hand everything. And yet she buys Keisha and Jesse new things.

Gemma is a very humble person, which makes it very hard for us because we never know what she needs, she never asks for a thing! Gemma also decided to send Keisha to the school of Keisha's choice. Not just because Keisha wanted to go, but because the school has the best teacher/student ratio, the best achievement scores and the children who attend the school seemed happier. But unfortunately, for Keisha to attend this school, means Gemma has to pay fees, and for Gemma to pay the fees means Gemma goes without more 'luxuries'. I wish every one had a mother like Gemma, but what I really wish is that she was rewarded for being such a wonderful mother, instead of being judged for being a single mother.

At the moment she is suffering badly with a toothache. She made an appointment in another town, arranged for friends of mine to take her and Jesse in their car (Gemma doesn't have a car or license). But when the day came, Jesse absolutely refused to sit in the baby seat and was getting himself in quite a frightening state about it. We realised later that he had never been in another car - he had only ever been in the one car, and that car and it's driver were not available at the time. So Gemma, caring more about the well-being of her child than herself, cancelled her appointment and still suffers with her toothache.

Keisha is wonderful most of the time and helps Gemma with Jesse. She puts up with a lot, too, especially for one with such little shoulders! She loved Jesse from the moment she laid eyes on him that first day of his life. And Gemma always made sure she was included in his care. There have been moments of jealousy, but these were short lived. It is a lot easier for Keisha when we are around so much, because she gets to play with us and she gives the best hugs! I have been feeling down on the odd occasion, but a big hug from Keisha - and all is well!

The hardest adjustment for Keisha was learning that mummy wasn't hers alone, she had to share with her new brother. This lesson was one she had already learned, because Keisha had been taught all her life to share, so she was excellent at sharing her mum, too. I believe this single lesson, when it's taught so well, is a huge help to children being faced with new brothers and or sisters.

Patricia Parker

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