Life Coaching for Mums - Kirsti's Response

Mum Zone's resident Life Coach Kirsti of Spheres of Success is available to answer some of your questions about a variety of life related issues.Topics include feeling down, work-life balance, getting enough sleep, spending enough time with your kids, the direction of your relationship, pursuing your dream job, learning to put yourself first, establishing your own identity and many more.

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Reader's Question

Hi Kirsti,

I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. When my 3 month old was 2 weeks old I had an accident involving her falling which could have been very dangerous - thankfully I was able to break her fall in time and she was fine. However I think about it every day and it has made me really question myself when it comes to her safety. I am always worrying about her and I'm afraid that these negative feelings might lead to something bad happening.

I have never felt anxious about my other child's safety in this way and even since the accident I still don't.

Is there any way I can forgive myself for what happened (although I know that it was an accident and beyond my control, but she was in my care) and move on? I need to get my confidence back so I can enjoy my baby rather than worry about her.

Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you.

Kirsti's Response

Hi,

Thanks for your email. Firstly, I acknowledge you for reaching out as I appreciate for some people this would be difficult. Giving that, you are a wonderfully attentive, caring and giving mum. As a lot of people would let this experience consume them and not attempt to resolve their true feelings. My first thoughts from reading this was 'wow! you stopped your baby in time from the fall, you should be congratulated!!' This should make you feel proud as a mother.

As you know, there is nothing more precious than your children, and particularly when they are newborns. Your life changes on many levels when you have children, but for me personally, there was a lot centred around the level of responsibility I now had. Small things like the drive home from the hospital with your newborn - I think we held up traffic for more than an hour! It was nerve wracking to say the least! I can totally relate to your story about a near-miss as I had a close call with my baby when she was 6 months old. However, I have hardly thought about that experience again. It also did not affect me emotionally. I just took a great learning from the experience and shifted my focus to more positive thoughts. So that got me thinking about your situation. How come two different women with similar experiences could have two profoundly different reactions?

So, I have devised some questions which you may find useful. You may find by answering the questions in a journal you will be able to see what is really going on for you and thus make positive changes if need be. The first thing that comes into your mind is the right answer, don’t second guess yourself. You don’t need to share your answers with anyone else, so please give yourself permission to write freely and openly.

• How has that experience with your baby impacted on you personally?
• What did you make this experience mean about you? (note: nothing has meaning except the meaning we give it. Its not the events that shape our lives its the meaning we give it. Change the meaning, change your life!)
• How has this experience affected your confidence?
• Do you second guess yourself with your baby? And if so, how does this make you feel?... tired? exhausted? emotional?
• What do you need to do right now to truly forgive yourself?
• If you don't choose to forgive yourself, what's going to be the impact on you?
• What will the impact be on you in 1 years time? 5 years time? 10 years time?
• How will this experience affect your health and most importantly, the relationship with yourself?
• What positive learning's can you take from this experience? What's the gift in this for you? (note: every experience has a learning and a gift - its just whether we focus on the positive as opposed to the negative).
• How would you like to feel about this experience now to truly move on?
• Are you committed to forgiving yourself and moving on?

I am running a confidence workshop in Sydney for mums that you may be interested in and I would like to offer you a free phone coaching session to really help you deal with any unresolved feelings and most importantly, additional tools and strategies on how to forgive yourself and move forward. In this session, its a judgement free zone and confidential. My intention is to provide you with a safe, open space for you to talk freely and openly. If you are interested in either the confidence workshop or a coaching session, please call me directly on 02 8521 9433 or email on kirsti@spheresofsuccess.com.au.

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The opinions expressed on this page are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Kirsti Boothroyd of Spheres of Success are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.