Life Coaching for Mums - Kirsti's Response

Mum Zone's resident Life Coach Kirsti of Spheres of Success is available to answer some of your questions about a variety of life related issues.Topics include feeling down, work-life balance, getting enough sleep, spending enough time with your kids, the direction of your relationship, pursuing your dream job, learning to put yourself first, establishing your own identity and many more.

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Reader's Question

Hi Kirsti,

I have a 22 month old daughter and another on the way. I enrolled my daughter into a daycare 1 morning a week for 3 hours, purely for her to play and socialise. But, lately I have been feeling guilty for leaving her as sometimes she gets upset and knows if I am going to leave her. I wonder how I will cope and how she will feel when my other baby comes along as I really feel it will help her to play with other children but I sometimes feel I could be doing the wrong thing. My partner is supportive and says she should be going consistently and I agree but there have been some days where I have decided not to take her because I hate the feeling I get when I leave her, that is selfish right?

My partner says she could do another morning a week especially when our other baby arrives, do you think this is a good idea? And how do I keep at this consistently without feeling guilty? Thanks.

Kirsti's Response

Hello,

It's only natural for mums to have some level of guilt in leaving your child for the first time. It's really important though for you to focus on your 'guilt' and how it's affecting your life at present.

It may be helpful to grab a pen and paper and answer some questions below that you may find useful...

• Where does your guilt come from?
• How long have you felt this way?
• Do you only feel guilty about leaving her at daycare or other situations as well?
• What are you beliefs around leaving your girl at daycare?
• Do you believe you are not being a great mum when you do this - do you think this is where the guilt may come from?
• Do you put everyone else's needs first and have guilt if you create some me time?
• What needs to happen for you to release this guilt and feel good about your choice?
• If you could do this differently and get great results, what's the first thing that would need to happen?

As a mum myself to a 20 month old and another baby on the way, I can really relate to your story. My little girl goes to day care 1 day per week and she loves it. The reason she loves going is I have no guilt whatsoever! If I did have guilt, my little girl would pick up on this unconsciously and make it very difficult for me to leave her. Sure there are some days where my little one cries initially when I go, but I leave knowing she will be happy and content within a few minutes, it's great for her development and most importantly, I am great mum! You need to believe you are doing the right thing and stay solid in your decision. Whatever choice you make, you need to be consistent from the start and create a routine for your children.

You really need to look at where this guilt comes from as your little girl is just mirroring you and your unconscious beliefs! She is just responding to you. You may not realise yet but you are already teaching her about guilt and being indecisive.

Some tips you may find helpful

• The day before she goes to daycare, it may be useful to create a really positive ambience and talk to her about how much fun school is. Get her involved by talking about her feelings by asking her questions. I believe it's important to get her emotionally ready for her big day!
• On the day she goes to day care, you may find it useful by telling her she is going to 'school' today and it's going to be so much fun with all her new friends. She will soon get very excited by this!
• The happier you are being with her, the more she will respond. Remember, she is just responding to you and your thoughts!
• If you can change your thoughts around her going to child care and this will change your reality.

If you would like to speak to me further about this guilt you are experiencing, please call me on 02 8521 9433 for a free coaching session.

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The opinions expressed on this page are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Kirsti Boothroyd of Spheres of Success are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.