Life Coaching for Mums - Kirsti's Response

Mum Zone's resident Life Coach Kirsti of Spheres of Success is available to answer some of your questions about a variety of life related issues.Topics include feeling down, work-life balance, getting enough sleep, spending enough time with your kids, the direction of your relationship, pursuing your dream job, learning to put yourself first, establishing your own identity and many more.

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Reader's Question

Hi Kirsti,

I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old. At times I wish I could be more patient with my 2 year old and was wondering if you could give me some tips for this. My failure to be more patient often leaves me feeling quite down, I have read in your other responses that it helps to have a list of positive thoughts written down, could you give a few examples of what you mean?

Kirsti's Response

Hello and thanks for your question,

I appreciate how you must be feeling with a 7 month old baby and an active 2 year old. Like you, I have a very active 2 year old and a 3 month old baby and my patience is tested as well. However, I have learnt very well to train my thinking from negative, self doubt to positive new-ways of thinking. Its very important for you to manage your emotional state. Patience can be mastered and your 2 year old may just be here to teach you this. Firstly, it's important to understand what is the trigger for you to become impatient? It's crucial to understand what's behind this initial thought. This thought is the leader into other negative thoughts which then, as you say, leaves you feeling quite down.

At what stage in your life have you told yourself that you are not good enough? As a mother, we have all sorts of emotional patterns running through our minds and these usually date back to when we were much younger - usually between the ages of 0-7 yrs old. These formative years are known as the imprint years. Simply, this is where we learn all our beliefs, values and what we think about ourselves. For example, If we were told at the age of 5 that we were not smart enough to become a doctor - this is what becomes true for us. This is known as limiting beliefs.

Exercise
I have an exercise which you may be interested in doing just to get clear about what triggers these negatives thoughts and how to overcome them with practice. Some may believe that's its too hard to re-train your mind into positive thinking, however I believe its actually quite simple. It takes practice and to become 'mindful' of what you are thinking about consistently.

Grab a pen and paper and for the next few days, it may be a good idea to follow these steps.

1. The first step is learning to monitor your thoughts - to think about what you are thinking about.
2. When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts - thoughts that negate your highest idea about a thing (in your case - being impatient with your two year old) - think again. I want you to do this literally.
3. If you think you are in a pickle, and no good can come of this - think again. If you think the world is a bad place - think again. If you think your 2 year old is driving you mad - think again. If you think you are not good enough - think again. You can train yourself to do this (look how well you've trained yourself not to do it!)
4. Now for the final part - part of this exercise is a gratitude journal. If you want to make any changes in your life, with your thinking, and your reaction to certain situations, its important to start focusing on what you want!

• What makes you happy?
• What do you love about your children?
• What does your 2 year do that makes you laugh?
• How much have your children enriched your life?
• What is working really well in your life right now?
• Who do you love? and who loves you?
• What can you do differently when your 2 year old is testing your patience?

It's the simple things in our life that we should be grateful for - and in fact we take most things and people for granted. Please call me if you would like some more tips on how to become more patient. I hope this information helps you in some way.

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The opinions expressed on this page are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Kirsti Boothroyd of Spheres of Success are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.