Life Coaching for Mums - Kirsti's Response

Mum Zone's resident Life Coach Kirsti of Spheres of Success is available to answer some of your questions about a variety of life related issues.Topics include feeling down, work-life balance, getting enough sleep, spending enough time with your kids, the direction of your relationship, pursuing your dream job, learning to put yourself first, establishing your own identity and many more.

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Reader's Question

I am struggling with a great desire that I have to stay at home with my two gorgeous girls who are growing up too quickly and the ever present practical need to earn money by going back to work. I have found such a lower passion for my work (teaching) since having my own children and feel that I am being unfair to the students as the demands on my time (marking, meetings, programming) are all things that are expected in our free time after school hours. This extra stress is something I resent as I obviously want to be spending as much time with my own children as possible. My other concern is my husband's unwillingness to appreciate the stress I am under in my current job and his unwillingness to discuss other options as he wants me to return to fulltime work next year. As the New Year approaches I feel this feeling of doom and negativity about what may lay ahead for me in 2009. I have even looked into other careers however none seem to give me the time at home/money I receive from teaching. My sadness is really coming from the strong stance my husband has taken and the guilt he is putting on me for wanting to reduce my hours. Thankyou.

Kirsti's Response

Hello and thanks for your email,

I appreciate this is somewhat of a difficult time for you right now as you are going through a range of emotions due to the possibility of returning to work as a teacher. I can relate to your situation as I left my corporate high flying job to start my own company as I love being a mum too and I could also work my business around my little girl.

As a Coach, I can only work with you on this issue and assist you to find a way forward. I am unable to comment on your husband as I am not answering his request. A Coach supports you while you find out what it is that you really want from your life, how to go about getting it and how to overcome things that are currently getting in your way. As a Coach I don't give you all the answers - instead I ask the questions that you need, to find the right answers for you. A Coach encourages you and ensures that you maintain focus, motivation and momentum as you work towards your goals.

Its important that we get to the core issue of what's really going on for you. It may be somewhat difficult to do that in one email however as you are a valued reader of mumzone I can offer you a complimentary Coaching session over the phone if you would like to explore this issue further, find a way forward with new possibilities and set some new goals for you.

I do get the sense there may be some inner conflict of your core values. Each person has a different set of core values yet a lot of people can't tell you what they value most in life. You will always act out your life according to your values. Values dictate your destiny. How do you change your values? It's possible to SHIFT your values whilst working with a qualified Coach. It's your void that determines your values eg poor upbringing may have money at the top of your value list.

In the mean time, I have devised some questions suited to your situation. You may like to grab a pen and paper and start your own thought journal. I find this exercise is invaluable with my clients as you really get a feel for what's going on - on an unconscious level.

Values Values can be anything that's important to you (eg Family, financial freedom, honesty, integrity, friendship, adventure etc)

1. List your top 5 values
2. List the 'most important value' to the 'least important value'
3. How do you spend your energy?
4. How do you spend your money?
5. Where are you most organised?
6. Where are you most disciplined or focused?
7. What do you think most about?
8. What do you visualise about?
9. What do you talk to yourself about?
10. What do you talk to others about?
11. What do you react to?
12. What are your goals?
13. What creates your values in the first place?

• If you decide to go back to work, how will this impact on you emotionally?
• If you decide to stay at home, how will this impact your family life?
• What do you think you will be missing out on if you choose to go back to teaching?
• What are the benefits of having more money in the family budget?
• What will be the consequences of returning to work?
• What are all the benefits of you returning to work?
• How could you do this differently?
• What could you do to suit your needs and that of your husbands?
• If you were to spend 90% of your time on a solution what would you focus on?
• If this situation was exactly the way you would like it, what would it look like? How would it feel?
• If someone was great at coming up with solutions, what would they suggest?
• I'm curious... how long will you spend focusing on the problem? Do you have a time limit in your mind? If you did, what would it be?

I appreciate there are many questions, however please use this opportunity for some 'me' time and most importantly to have some fun! If you would like to speak with me personally, please call me on 02 8521 9433 or send me an email at kirsti@spheresofsuccess.com.au

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The opinions expressed on this page are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Kirsti Boothroyd of Spheres of Success are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.