Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care - Ruth's Response

Mum Zone's resident Child Behavioural and Child Care Expert Ruth, author of Choosing Child Care, is available to answer some of your questions.

Topics include: Guiding children's behaviour, setting developmentally appropriate limits / rules, holistic parenting, children's spiritual growth, establishing routines, activity ideas, setting up the home environment to help support routines and limits, strategies for dealing with sibling rivalry / establishing positive relationships, choosing a child care centre that meets your child's and family's needs, settling children into care outside of the home, being involved in your child's day when they attend care.

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Reader's Question

My 2.5 year old daughter has recently started having major difficulty with bedtime. She's become really frightened of "the monsters" and other things that lurk in the dark. I've tried chasing them away, spraying them, talking about them, denying their existence, but nothing seems to work. It's quite distressing listening to her cries, but don't know what else to try. Your help would be greatly appreciated!

Ruth's Response

Hi,

This is certainly a problem that many parents face (including me). It sounds like you have already tried some good tactics. Another suggestion I have however - not dis-similar to what you have tried (and worked with my daughter) is:

Next time she mentions the monsters very confidently respond with something along the lines of "Monsters are friendly but Mummy has a rule that NO monsters are allowed in our house I would be cross if they came in". You could even say if she questioned this that you have also told your house "no monsters allowed". Young children look up to their parents - they feel that parents do literally know everything and what they say is right. At two she probably won't question this but rather just accept that you are in control of the situation - if she was to ask other questions a simple answer such as "Mummy just knows" should suffice.

I know this method may seem 'to leave it out there' for the child that monsters are outside the house etc. or real after all. Children however easily accept a quick explanation apposed to trying to explain away monsters - particulary at two the fear can seem too real to reason with - this is why the feeling of mummy / daddy being in control works well, allowing the child to just let it go.

Along with this I suggest you support this process in other ways such as:

• Reflect on your routine during the day (I do this whenever I have a little issue like this appear) - is it calm and relaxed, mostly predictable - as predictable, calm routines and very grounding to children. Do you have a bed time routine?
  
  
• TV can play a part in the fear of monsters / things under the bed - many cartoons and children's shows that seem completely innocent have a 'fear factor' in them, particularly for younger children. If your child does watch some TV, I suggest very tame TV is the way to go - such as Play School or the Wiggles etc. If children have (for example) a 'Disney' image of witches or monsters this would be very different to a child's own image of what a witch or monster is - there own image would be a lot less scary or not scary at all.
  
  
• Consider things such as if your daughter is perhaps overtired by bed time - if so perhaps put her to bed a little earlier.
  
  
• You could also let her know that you will come in, in 5 or 10 minutes to check on her and give her another cuddle -admittedly I still do this with my 5 and 8 year old yet they are rarely awake after 10 minutes.
  
  
• Another suggestion that can be very grounding for children is to before bedtime talk to them about your day together or if your daughter is at daycare your day - basically in point form (I went to work, put my lunch away, worked on the computer) you will be surprised how fascinated children are with this and you can tell it over and over again - night after night with the same interest, repetition helps children feel secure - this is why routines also work so well. - If you feel this would not be conducive to sleep time it could even be at bath time etc.

Regards and
"Monsters Beware of a protective mother!"

Ruth

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The opinions expressed on these pages are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Ruth Powell of Choosing Child Care are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.