Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care - Ruth's Response

Mum Zone's resident Child Behavioural and Child Care Expert Ruth, author of Choosing Child Care, is available to answer some of your questions.

Topics include: Guiding children's behaviour, setting developmentally appropriate limits / rules, holistic parenting, children's spiritual growth, establishing routines, activity ideas, setting up the home environment to help support routines and limits, strategies for dealing with sibling rivalry / establishing positive relationships, choosing a child care centre that meets your child's and family's needs, settling children into care outside of the home, being involved in your child's day when they attend care.

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Reader's Question

My baby has just turned 3 months old and I feel very lucky because so far he is a very happy and calm baby. However I was wondering if babies of this age can be left playing on their own for too long? I mean, I'm obviously around, but doing housework etc, but he is happy playing in his cot, looking around and generally cooing to himself. I try and play with him throughout the day, but he seems quite happy on his own for 20 mins at a time. Is this OK, should I be spending more time with him? I want him to be independent but don't want him to become unable to cope with playing with others.

Ruth's Response

Hi,

It sounds like you have a very content, happy baby! I would say that you already very in tune with your baby's needs just by the fact that you are standing back and assessing the needs of your baby and ensuring you are meeting them.

If your baby wakes and is content to look around and just 'be', it is absolutely fine to leave him – he will let you know when he wants or needs you. By comforting and responding to the cries of a young baby, this is the important factor that promotes this sense of security that enables the child to contently 'be' at other times. This is also the case for when your son is lying on the floor playing whilst you are doing house work. It sounds like you are balancing this well with also having play time. There are of course many other one on one interactions with a baby through out the day such as breast feeding or holding a baby when they have their bottle, changing nappies, putting baby to bed, dressing, bathing etc. that are all wonderful times to sing and talk to your baby.

In regards to your son being independent / coping with playing with others eventually, this will just all fall into place when the time comes – children mostly play independently or along side other children through their toddler years. Interactive play begins closer to three. From my own experience and listening to other parents I know that there can be this expectation (and comparison at times between mothers) of whose child is doing this or that first but there is such a large spectrum of 'normal development.' I took my son to the same mothers' group from 6 weeks to 3 and 1/2 years and he still clung to me for a while before being able to move off and play – now at 8 he is confident and makes friends really easily. Trust your instincts and continue to 'step back' now and again and reflect on your parenting journey or to seek information. Enjoy each stage with your child and future hiccups or challenges can be dealt with then! The strong foundation that you are already beginning to build is what is most important.

Regards,

Ruth

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The opinions expressed on these pages are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Ruth Powell of Choosing Child Care are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.