Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care - Ruth's Response

Mum Zone's resident Child Behavioural and Child Care Expert Ruth, author of Choosing Child Care, is available to answer some of your questions.

Topics include: Guiding children's behaviour, setting developmentally appropriate limits / rules, holistic parenting, children's spiritual growth, establishing routines, activity ideas, setting up the home environment to help support routines and limits, strategies for dealing with sibling rivalry / establishing positive relationships, choosing a child care centre that meets your child's and family's needs, settling children into care outside of the home, being involved in your child's day when they attend care.

Check out our Child Behavioural and Child Care page or read another question now!

Reader's Question

Ruth's Response

Hi,

Lack of sleep can play a major part in how young children cope with daily routines. It sounds like you have noticed a difference since your daughter stopped sleeping during the day. I am assuming you feel she does not need a sleep everyday, or she started refusing to sleep. I would suggest, if you are able to, going back to at least 4 to 5 days a week that include a sleep during the day. If you did stop because she is refusing to sleep you could try:

• Making sleep time 1/2 hour to 1 hour later
• Have a routine surrounding sleep - lunch, story, bed
• Perhaps lay with your daughter and cuddle to sleep, but remind her that this is sleep time and you can chat with her after sleep
• Let her know (if she is not settling and you feel she isn't tired) that if she rests quietly with you for 15 minutes and she is still not tired she can then get up
• Make her bed time at night earlier. As a guide she should still be sleeping approximately 12 hours each night.

It sounds from your email that your daughter is not having tantrums or refusing to do things, she just gets easily side tracked and does things in her own good time. When I read your email my daughter (five years old) came to mind so I thought you may be able to relate to this story from last year when she was four...
When meeting with her kindergarten teacher last year she laughed and told me how she wished she had a camera to capture my daughter as she sat in the classroom - dressed up as a fairy, playing a harp as all the other children busily tidied up around her. Paige was completely oblivious to the fact it was pack up time. The teacher went on to say that to get Paige to pack up she had to literally follow her around encouraging so she would not get distracted. I just nodded my head, not surprised at all - she can so easily go off into her own little world. Her teacher commented that this was not a bad thing and that these days you don't often see children of four who are still like this. What she meant by this was that my daughter was still at times able to be completely lost in the present moment - her moment - connected to herself. Children of three are still often in this 'space' yet through routines and family rules we can respect this 'space' yet begin to teach other skills. Strategies I suggest include:

• Keep instructions simple - give one instruction at a time and get down to her level when giving them.
• Avoid getting into discussion with her as she is too young
• Don't give too many choices as she may feel overwhelmed with this. For example you choose her clothes for the morning (or only give two choices).
• Young children love routine, have a routine that supports your family rules. For example after breakfast we get dressed before playing. My article on routines posted on Mumzone may be helpful with this.
• As she has good language skills be aware of not inadvertently expecting more from her over all. My sister often says she has to keep in mind her son is only 3 as he speaks so well it is easy to think of him as older.
• Children of this age love 'doing' such as sweeping or doing the dishes - make jobs fun, sing songs and do them together.
• Ignore unwanted behaviour when ever possible.

All children seem to go through a stage of wanting Mum and then wanting Dad, it can be frustrating but it will pass. Many times it probably can be a choice who she goes to or who helps her and other times it can't - again avoid discussion with a simple "Mummy is putting you to bed tonight."

Regards,

Ruth

View more Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care Questions and Responses.

The opinions expressed on these pages are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Ruth Powell of Choosing Child Care are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.