Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care - Ruth's Response

Mum Zone's resident Child Behavioural and Child Care Expert Ruth, author of Choosing Child Care, is available to answer some of your questions.

Topics include: Guiding children's behaviour, setting developmentally appropriate limits / rules, holistic parenting, children's spiritual growth, establishing routines, activity ideas, setting up the home environment to help support routines and limits, strategies for dealing with sibling rivalry / establishing positive relationships, choosing a child care centre that meets your child's and family's needs, settling children into care outside of the home, being involved in your child's day when they attend care.

Check out our Child Behavioural and Child Care page or read another question now!

Reader's Question

Ruth's Response

Hi,

I can see why you are devastated over this situation. I want to assure you that this is not as big a problem as your day care is suggesting. I would also go as far to say it is more their problem than your son's.

When I was a Director of a centre I would have instructed the room leader to take detailed written observations as a pattern is bound to emerge. It would have given staff clear indications as to when and why the behaviour occurred. Importantly, carers must always reflect on how they, and the environment (rountines etc..), are meeting the needs of the children, particularly if they are just two and presenting with a behavioural challenge. Once they have a clear understanding of the behaviour and spoken with the parents to see if the parents are experiencing the same behaviour at home, or if there has been a change at home (such as moving house), a plan can be established. In this case I would guess that the plan would mainly focus on changing how the carers are handling the situation given his age.

Young two year olds are at an age where their language skills are starting to develop more rapidly yet they still do not have all the words they want to communicate their needs. I would often remind my children during this age when I could see they were getting frustrated to "use your words" and I would also role model if they were unable to say what they wanted. "A drink please mummy"…. It does sounds like your son is perhaps getting frustrated at not being able to communicate what he wants to you / carers or other children. This would then be compounded if the staff were not handling it in the right way. The carers really need to look at this situation in terms of were your son is developmentally. He is in the very normal developmental age of ‘everything is mine' and still not quite at the age of being able to share with other children. He may happily share or give children turns at times and this can be praised with a brief "what good sharing'. This positive reinforcement encourages and teaches appropriate behaviour.

I will give you some examples of guiding the young two year old with behaviour. Perhas he wants (for example) a toy from another child, he may still need some guidance with this (which is completely normal). For example if he tried to take a bike from a child, he needs to be talked through the situation and re directed, ‘Let's go and look for another bike to ride' or "this is Tim's turn, when Tim is finished it will be your turn - let's sit over here and wait, or let's go and play over here and wait". He may protest at this so you just take him away calmly, yet firmly saying, "I will tell you when it's your turn". He may be screaming the first couple of times - that's OK, just calmly follow through, he is not in trouble but he does need to wait. Often children will forget all about the toy and start playing with something else, yet it is still important to go over and check if they would still like to have their turn, if yes, you can casually say, "You were so patient waiting for your turn."

Often adults forget that children need to be taught and guided in learning behaviour (in a calm and supportive environment) these skills - and it is amazing how quickly they will pick it up. The main things to remember are:

• Children need to be taught appropriate behaviour through calm yet clear strategies
• Praise positive behaviour "Thankyou for sharing your toys"
• Role model to children
• Remind to "use your words"
• Do not get into discussions with a two year old - use clear, short explanations
• Remember that developmentally it is still hard for a just two year old to share

If your son is hitting at other random times the centre needs to clearly ascertain what is happening to provoke that - what do they need to do to support a positive learning environment. For example; If he hits whilst waiting for lunch the centre should see that the young two year olds would find it hard to sit and wait whilst lunch was being served - they could make him the lunch helper or have a staff member sit and sing songs while waiting for lunch to be served.

I am putting a lot of this onto the centre, as they should never have made you worry about this. I would have been appalled if a staff member approached a parent in a critical way regarding a child's behaviour. I have had to speak with parents regarding older children with true behavioural problems. Even in these circumstances I always went into the meeting with a positive attitude - a solid plan that was based on observations and a genuine desire to work with the parents to resolve the problem. From what I have read you are more than willing to work with the centre to resolve this (minor) behavioural issue. I suggest you speak with the Director regarding your concerns. Let him/her know that you have always been happy with the care yet you do now have serious concerns with how this is being handled.

I would also be more than happy to give you a free of charge 20 minute phone consult. Your can email me through my website www.choosingchildcare.com.au You may also find my book Choosing Child Care helpful as it talks a lot about quality care practices, such as this, in centres.

Regards,

Ruth

View more Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care Questions and Responses.

The opinions expressed on these pages are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Ruth Powell of Choosing Child Care are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.