Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care - Ruth's Response

Mum Zone's resident Child Behavioural and Child Care Expert Ruth, author of Choosing Child Care, is available to answer some of your questions.

Topics include: Guiding children's behaviour, setting developmentally appropriate limits / rules, holistic parenting, children's spiritual growth, establishing routines, activity ideas, setting up the home environment to help support routines and limits, strategies for dealing with sibling rivalry / establishing positive relationships, choosing a child care centre that meets your child's and family's needs, settling children into care outside of the home, being involved in your child's day when they attend care.

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Reader's Question

I have a son who turns 2 years old in a month's time. He is very active and loves to put on a show and get attention, particularly when our 6 month old enters the room. He often gets excited and starts hitting her or cuddling her to the point she can't breath, as well as choosing to ignore my requests to be gentle with her. I have no idea as to the best approach for disciplining him, as my usual stern looks and firm "no!" just make him laugh. It is very frustrating. My husband wants him to have a time out/naughty spot but I feel he is too young. What do you suggest??

Ruth's Response

Hi,

I am sorry to your husband! I have to agree that two years is too young for time out. It would not actually teach him the desired behaviour around his sister and could possibly escalate the problem. It sounds like you have a beautiful full of life two year old! Two years old (or 18 months) developmentally is an age that is challenging for a child to grasp the concept of the presence of a new little family member. From reading your email however it sounds like he can be very affectionate and enthusiastic about her so that's great and that is what needs to be built on. I actually think in this case and given his age very little discipline as such is needed. It sounds like it is more to get your attention than wanting to be really rough with his sister.

My suggestions would be:

• If he does hit her get down to his level and calmly yet firmly (in a few short words) say something such as "You can gently cuddle your sister but you must not hit" . If he does it again then calmly let him know that "You need to move away for a while". Let him go and play with something else if he likes but he must move away for a few minutes. It is important to keep the attention on him minimal. He needs to learn that his positive behaviour gets mummy's and daddy's attention.
• Find fun ways to talk to him (at his developmental level) about being 'gentle'. For example go for a walk in the garden to find baby bugs. When you find them pick them up together and talk about how we need to be very gentle with baby bugs - just like we are gentle with your sister! Ask him to brush your hair - praise him on how gentle he is or if he is not, explain that he has to be gentle when brushing mummy's hair. Also reading books about babies is useful - adapt the story as necessary.
• Ask him to help you around the house doing small things like getting something for the baby, praise him on what a big help he is and good big brother.
• Give him extra 'one and one' time with you and / or Dad at this time - I also found when my children were young that saying things (to my happy baby playing with toys or lying on a rug) - "Paige you need to play by yourself for a little while while mummy reads a book / helps build this with Ethan" or, If she was crying, and I was with Ethan I would leave her a few seconds and just call out "You need to wait for a minute - I'm just with Ethan". It gives the older child the sense that they are not the only one with 'rules' in regards to their sibling.
• Try and distract him if you can when you see that he is over excited around his sister to avoid the hitting incident. The aim is to praise him as much as possible. Children love our attention and they quickly learn the best way to get it. Perhaps have some playdough or something ready to pull out that he can pour his extra energy into. Alternatively put some music on and dance around with him! I know it can be hard to find this extra time and energy when you have two young children but I am confident you will see results quickly. This is the perfect age to impliment this kind of strategy.

Thank you for your email.

Regards,

Ruth

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The opinions expressed on these pages are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Ruth Powell of Choosing Child Care are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.

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