Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care - Ruth's Response

Mum Zone's resident Child Behavioural and Child Care Expert Ruth, author of Choosing Child Care, is available to answer some of your questions.

Topics include: Guiding children's behaviour, setting developmentally appropriate limits / rules, holistic parenting, children's spiritual growth, establishing routines, activity ideas, setting up the home environment to help support routines and limits, strategies for dealing with sibling rivalry / establishing positive relationships, choosing a child care centre that meets your child's and family's needs, settling children into care outside of the home, being involved in your child's day when they attend care.

Check out our Child Behavioural and Child Care page or read another question now!

Reader's Question

My 2 and a half year old daughter was a champ at letting me know when she needed to do a poo, we would run to the toilet and wha la, all done. Sticker in hand she would beam with pride! Every night before a bath she would also wee on toilet, then all of a sudden there were no more warnings and absolutely no more sitting on the toilet. She tells me no when I suggest we sit there and read a story. I have tried stickers, chocolate, encouragement and gentle hints and praise, she still refuses to even go in the bathroom when she knows there is a chance a toilet is involved. Nothing happened to scare her, she has her little ladder and tiny toilet seat so she hasn't fallen in and I haven't fed into the fear or rebellion of it. I'm a bit confused.

Do I just leave it up to her to instigate trying again or do you have a few tricks up your sleeve?

Ruth's Response

Hello

It sounds like you have done a great job in toilet training your daughter - I know there are so many different perspectives on "the right way to toilet train". It is not uncommon for children to do exactly what your daughter has done yet this still makes it no less frustrating! It is great that you haven't reacted to this. From what you have said I also doubt it is fear based I think it is more likely to be her asserting her new found 'two year old' independence - it is around this age that they do start to test the "no" word out a little more.

I would take all attention away from the toilet training at this stage, just become very neutral about it - as the rewards and praise have now lost effectiveness and are starting to have the opposite effect to what they once did. She is now receiving lots of attention for not going to the toilet, this in itself could escalate the 'no' response. If she is already in 'big girl pants' for the whole day I would stick to this - you could still ask her if she needs to go to the toilet now and again but at this stage just accept it if she doesn't. If she wets, just calmly change her (you could also give her some responsibility with this such as going to her room to get more pants etc.) Whilst helping to change her briefly remind her that she is a big girl now and needs to take herself to the toilet - perhaps she needs to feel the independence of taking herself off to the toilet??.

If she is still in nappies I would just forget about toilet training for the next few weeks (unless she asks to go) and then when you feel the time is right perhaps go shopping together for 'big girl pants' and just completely swap over (cold turkey!) to pants (at least during the day). If she has a favourite doll, her doll could also swap on this day to big girl pants also.

Let me know how you go.

Regards,

Ruth

View more Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care Questions and Responses.

The opinions expressed on these pages are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Ruth Powell of Choosing Child Care are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.