Guidance on Your Child's Behaviour and Child Care - Ruth's Response

Mum Zone's resident Child Behavioural and Child Care Expert Ruth, author of Choosing Child Care, is available to answer some of your questions.

Topics include: Guiding children's behaviour, setting developmentally appropriate limits / rules, holistic parenting, children's spiritual growth, establishing routines, activity ideas, setting up the home environment to help support routines and limits, strategies for dealing with sibling rivalry / establishing positive relationships, choosing a child care centre that meets your child's and family's needs, settling children into care outside of the home, being involved in your child's day when they attend care.

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Reader's Question

My daughter is 17 months old, is very shy and clingy when with new people and places - and can take quite a long time to get to know someone. She currently does not go to childcare but I am considering it... what is the best way to settle her in?

Ruth's Response

Hi,

Many children around this age (and beyond) can be clingy to their parents when in new surrounds and when meeting new people. I want to assure you (if you are feeling concerned in general about this) that it is normal and nothing to worry about. The best way to handle this when you are out and about is just to let her be clingy and move away from you in her own time. It also helps to avoid talking about her shyness whilst she is around. It is amazing how quickly they understand what you are saying and can feel it is an 'expectation' of them to be shy. I realised this when my two year old told a couple of people "I'm Shy"!

For all children starting Child Care I suggest:

• Before your official start date visit the centre with your daughter (at least three times) for approximately 1/2 hour to an hour each visit. The centre should be more than happy for you to do this. If she clings to you - that's OK.
• Briefly mention over the coming weeks the kindy and 'her room with (carers) Jane and Nicole"
  Make her first day short, even if she appears fine I would still pick her up after a couple of hours. Gradually build this up.
• Don't let your child see any anxiety that you may have about leaving her.
• Happily greet the staff yourself when arriving and departing - this will give your daughter a sense that you are comfortable.
• Let her take with her a favourite cuddly toy - or you could even buy a special new one that wants to start kindy with her.
• On childcare days ensure the morning routine at home is relaxed and unrushed. Tell your daughter that she is going to stay with Jane and Nicole for a little while by herself today while you....
• On arrival let your child know that you will stay for a while with her. Perhaps 10 minutes - go with your gut feeling on this. If she is extremely clingy and getting upset after a couple of minutes of being there it can actually be best to leave fairly quickly to avoid prolonging her anxiety. Let her know “One more minute and it is time for mummy to go”. The majority of children can be distracted by staff quickly after you leave - do not hesitate to ring the centre 15 minutes after you leave to see how she is.
• Most importantly never sneak out – it is always best to say goodbye.
• When you do say goodbye - make it positive and happy (even if she is upset) reassure her you will be back soon, give her a time (such as after morning tea or after lunch) and then follow through and leave.
• Talk to the qualified staff in her room if you have any concerns

Thank you for your question.

Regards,

Ruth

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The opinions expressed on these pages are of a general nature and are by no means a substitute for professional advice. Therefore neither Mum Zone or Ruth Powell of Choosing Child Care are liable for any actions pertaining to the use of the supplied information.